I thought that may be a good way to start a post given I haven’t written in about FOREVER. But it’s fine, because this is my “personal” blog. I don’t need to feel guilty about not writing here. unE, on the other had, I feel really, REALLY badly about–especially when professors say how wonderful it is and whatnot. And then I say what a great blogger I am and how I know so much about WordPress when really, it’s been 3 months since I’ve done anything. Well, that’s a lie. I haven’t done “nothing” per se; I have many unpublished drafts about random things on here, but could never make a good ending, so then I get pissy and never finish. Meh.

But also, life is incredibly hectic right now. I’m prepping for the lit GRE, preparing my MA thesis, creating a syllabus for the composition course I’ll be teaching this fall (Yes, you may call me professor now!), work, submitting conference proposals, etc. etc. Plus, I don’t necessarily want to share too many of my English-y, tech-y things, especially if they may become scholarly material for me to work on. I have a lot of literary interests and pursuits and I’m at a point where I have to “settle down” and decide what I’m going to do. So whatever I come up with that could be a potential area for my Ph.D., dissertation, or whatever else, needs to be kept on the “down low.”

I did get accepted to an 18th Century regional conference (EC ASECS) in Pittsburgh this November (I know you’re probably like 18th? Wtf? It pertains to my MA thesis!), which is great. I’m incredibly nervous, though. Most of my co-panelists have Ph.Ds from respectable schools already, are much older than me, published, etc. And I’ll walk in, blond hair and bubbly personality and they will probably shudder in horror. But I have until November, so maybe I can cool the cuteness by then!

So yeah, this is just a “what up” post. I do want to write another post about real ideas and whatnot, but I thought this would be a good warm-up to get blogging again. So if you actually read this, I can’t believe you just read my boring diatribe about my life. But rock on, anyway. Rock on.

Most of the sessions I went to were amazing. I attended the whole conference (except the first-timer’s breakfast, I was still en route) and missed about two sessions per day (to eat, look at books, etc). Since I focus myself in technology and composition, I attended almost entirely IT sessions, and I found that almost every session was great. The two Twitter sessions I attended had a lot of great discussion and some thought-provoking material. The gaming session–which is probably what I will explore for next year–unfortunately just had way too many people. They each had great things to say, but when there are eight people or so presenting, there isn’t much you can do. That blame is on CCCC for not making multiple gaming panels. The Writing Center database session was helpful to me since I currently work in a Writing Center and I want to try to convince the department to let us make a database. I have a lot of notes from all the sessions I attended and got a lot of great ideas.

The part that I was slightly disappointed with–or rather, quite disappointed with–was my lack of ability to network with others in the IT “department.” Since there was only 15 minutes between each session and no lunch break or anything where everyone could go out together, I spent most of my time between sessions walking back and forth between the Marriott and the Convention Center. The IT sessions weren’t really congregated in one place, and since I had to walk so much, I didn’t always have time to stay and mingle after a presentation. Also, let me add that I am a Master’s student at Queens College. I’m not on my Ph.D. yet and don’t have a big school that I can turn to for people to hang out with. I know UPenn and some other schools had “mini-events” for those who attended or worked at the school. Which is fine, I would do the same. But I hope NEXT year we can also get an IT “mini-session” and begin to intermingle with people outside of our schools and workplaces.

I guess my largest complaint is the timing of everything. There was no time to really see the exhibitors’ booths, unless you skipped a session, because they closed at the same time as the conference day ended. The 15 minutes between each session is a bit much. On Thursday, I woke up at 4:30am to fly over to Louisville and attended all session times that day except one–for lunch. I was exhausted and didn’t get to fully recuperate and still am not fully recuperated. Personally, I think I would have preferred a day that went slightly longer on Friday/Saturday and have a lunch break. But I don’t know–maybe NCTE had a good reason for scheduling CCCC like that.

I know some people were concerned with the tweeting level at CCCC, expecting there to be more tweets. As several Twitterers mentioned, the lack of free wi-fi in the Convention Center, coupled with horrible 3G reception in the lower level of the Convention Center, made it somewhat more difficult to stay connected. But for some reason, the more I think about it, the more I think that number is pretty appropriate. I’m not into the whole “digital native” stereotype that everyone my age-ish (24) is more connected than a finely knit sweater, especially compared to older generations, but as far as CCCC it may be, for the most part, true. So assuming that already there is a generational gap for Twitter and that the tweeters will probably be the IT people, I’m not too surprised.

Finally–my session. I had approximately 10 people at my session (N.27). Two people were there to see me, I think about four to see my co-presenter, Matt, and the other four, I’m not sure. They may have been there to see Sheri, but they may have been genuinely interested in the topic. I felt a bit bad for Matt. His presentation was focused mostly on time, so how he got with two bloggers, I’m not so sure. We had a couple of questions that I believe we answered well, but that was pretty much that. I’m going to embed a voice-over into my PowerPoint so those of you who are interested in the presentation can listen to it later.

And yes, I know. Every time I make a PowerPoint Edward Tufte kills a kitten. Sorry, lil’ guy, but my prezi wasn’t done in time.

I think this is going to be a weird semester. I’m presenting at CCCC next month (panic attack much? I think so), I’m focusing much more on writing classes than literature (gearing up for the Ph.D. material), and my work schedule is just weird. I’m already enraged at my Comp. Theory course–almost the entire class is comprised of high school teachers, and, frankly, what happens in a high school environment is different than a college environment. It’s not that I’m not sympathetic to these teachers–I am–it’s just that, since I work in higher ed., I see different problems and concerns. While one of my classmates is worried about a homeless student who needs glasses, I’m concerned about the ESL student taking ENG110 and three writing intensive classes in her second-to-last semester. And these differences infuriate me. They don’t know the things we go through in higher ed., much like I don’t know what they go through. But constantly bitching about students who don’t care when I constantly see students who DO care, but just don’t get it–it frustrates me to no end.

So yeah, Comp. Theory is interesting. Writing Methodology has me stressed to no end–I’m supposed to pick my Master’s Thesis topic in one week? Sorry Prof, you may be totally awesome, but I highly doubt the topic will become my Master’s Thesis if I pick it in one week. I picked a topic, but it’s definitely not going to be my real Master’s Thesis. I’m using Mists of Avalon, which will be fun and awesome for the semester, but it has nothing to do with composition and rhetoric. I was thinking about something with narratology and Never Let Me Go, but I couldn’t iron it out quickly enough to use it for the class.

Kafka, for those of you who have never read Kafka, is insane. No really. His narrative style and voice is beautiful, but I just don’t understand the point of it all. For me, I like to analyze and create meanings etc. With Kafka, the point is that there is no meaning–it is what it is. Well if that’s the case, why am I studying this German writer in an English literature Master’s program? Bah. Plus there’s a ton of reading and a ton of blogging to go with it.

So yes, Geekoric is busy and stressed. I hope to still write posts her and there, but probably not too often. We’ll see. Expect far less towards the middle of March though, because I fly to the CCCC conference March 18th! Woohoo!

Bull, I say.

Now I know I’m probably going to get ripped to shreds by the iFans, but stick with me here. I have some honest concerns about the iPad, and if anyone can, with certainty, correct my claims or alleviate my concerns, then go ahead. But I highly doubt you’ll be able to.

There’s a reason it’s not called the iSlate

Slates and tablets are meant for one super special thing: writing. A handwriting-to-text software is something that could take the iPad from “meh” to “wow.” Students could handwrite papers and notes and have them clearly typed out. Also, why doesn’t the iPad have artistic functionality like a Wacom pad?  Give me stylus options, and I’ll feel a million times better about this device–ESPECIALLY for annotating ebooks. Sony’s e-reader allows you to annotate with a stylus, and that’s with the e-ink technology. Come on, this is–while not always simple things to implement–something simple to think of.

E-Reading

Steve Jobs, you’re a fairly strong orator. I’ll give you that you’re persuasive. But there’s no way that an English Master’s student, like me, will be reading novels (as in more than one) each week on a device like that. For flying, riding a train, business commuting–fine. Intense reading? Not so much. Pair a back lit ultra-bright screen with a glossy cover and you have horrible glare and a nasty headache.

Typing

It’s never a good thing when Steve Jobs makes typos and then says–by the way, we have a keyboard add-on! The fact that they very clearly and readily brought up the physical keyboard plug-in option makes me think that they knew there were issues with the touchscreen keyboard for long term use. Your not writing essays on this without a keyboard probably

Voice Chat?

Do we know yet if it will be able to do things like Skype on this phone? Does it have a headset (headphone/mic) jack? I didn’t see one, but it’s possible I missed it. It does have a mic and speakers though (supposedly), so maybe we will get Skype.

The App Store

No customization. No WoW or emulators or other fun stuff you want on it. This isn’t a full OS, but rather another version of the iPhone OS. Everything you want has to come through the app store/iTunes and, frankly, that’s a pain in the butt.

Audience

I think this is what pisses me off the most–who is the audience for this product? People with iPhones already have these functions and MORE since it’s also a phone. It’s not handy as a music player because it’s too big for your pocket while you’re walking etc. The business traveler maybe? To bring on planes, trains, and automobiles? That I could see–but it’s a kind of niche market. Instead of it being some uber-portable thing, I think it would be better embedded into something. Couldn’t you see these things on treadmills? The back of airplane seats? I actually think it would have a better market in things like that than in being able to travel.

Final Thoughts

I don’t hate Steve Jobs or Apple. I love my iPhone and prefer it much more than a Blackberry. Many people know I’m not big into Macbooks–simply because I think they cost much more than they should given their size and functionality. But this isn’t about price or anything like that. This is more about me being confused about the purpose and direction of this product. It seems like an essay I was working on awhile ago–lot of great ideas, but it didn’t really have a point. iPad has a lot of good ideas, but it’s missing out on some key ideas and key functionality, making it a general disappointment to many who were excited about it.

This post is going to be full of spoilers. If you don’t want spoilers, don’t read this. If you read the book and want to read my thoughts, keep going.

So I just finished “Never Let Me Go” (again, actually, since I read ahead and skimmed a bit) and I’m pretty speechless. The dystopian ending hit me out of no where. Yes, I knew to some extent where it was going, but to listen to Madam and Miss Emily discuss how Kathy and Tommy are nothing but advancements of science–nothing but cures–and saying it to their faces, I was horrified. The narrative manipulates the reader so subtly into a seductive dance of sympathy and compassion. We see Kathy’s emotions and her fears and her problems. We see the way she handles situations, how she wishes she could go back and fix things. We see her childhood drama turn into adolescent drama. She’s no different than me really.

But then we are plummeted into the icy-cool waters of reality when Miss Emily says,

By the time they came to consider just how you were reared, whether you should have been brought into existence at all, well by then it was too late. There was no way to reverse the process. How can you ask a world that has come to regard cancer as curable, how can you ask such a world to put away that cure, the go back to the dark days? There was no going back (263).

Those lines really got to me because it was the first true glimpse we got outside of Halisham and the Cottages. We (the readers) live through Kathy’s sheltered eyes and know nothing of the surrounding world. We know they are clones, we know they’re used for donations. And we’re sort of just okay with that, probably because Kathy and crew are okay with it. But every now and then we get glimpses of how others see them, and we know: This is not okay, this is not acceptable or accepted. It’s kind of like–oh I don’t remember what grade it was now–but I had to do an earthworm experiment. I had to take the worms home, watch them, feed them, who knows. I hated it. I hate bugs, I hate worms, but I had to do it for school. And it seems like Ishiguro’s society is like me with my worms–they hate the clones, but they have to do it for society as a whole. And at the end of the day, when the experiment was done–I’ll be honest–I threw the damn things out. I think half were dead anyway. Again, that’s what people think of the clones. Except it’s one thing to do that with worms, it’s another to do it with people (right?!).

For the longest time, the world was essentially timeless. It seems anachronistic–to be discussing cloning through the seventies and eighties as opposed to far in the future. And Ishiguro effectively creates an alternative universe by using these time frames. When Kathy mentions cassette tapes and the appearance of walkmen, I remembered my own childhood and what it felt like to obtain these things. The familiarity of the time is part of what makes it so heart breaking and so dystopian–we’re not talking about the Jetsons. Hell, we’re not talking about Neuromancer or Ubik or anything like that. This isn’t even today or tomorrow; this is yesterday. This could have happened to us already. You know, it’s kind of like the whole Y2K nonsense. We know it didn’t happen, but imagine immersing yourself in a world where it DID happen. It’ll totally mess with your mind, much like this did.

I have to talk about the tech a bit, because although we never got around to discussing it, this book was assigned for my Literature and Technology class last semester. And in all of my ranting thus far, I have talked a bit about tech, but there’s one thing I found utterly fascinating: How can there be such a dichotomy in technology? How can we be so advanced in one sense (cloning), yet not even have CDs? It seems that, in this world, technology is attached to interest–if you want to cure cancer, you WILL find a way, no matter how difficult. Playing music though? Meh, not so high on the list. And the fact that the public turned a blind eye to the clones, claiming they were “soulless” is a huge breach of ethics. I don’t think our world could ever do that.

This novel really broke my heart though. Ishiguro blatantly shows that these characters have souls, feelings, emotions, and lives. To have all of that turned on its head in the last 5o pages or so is such a–I won’t swear here–fudged up device to screw with the reader’s mind. And it does. It totally, totally screwed with my head. I was speechless after reading it to be honest. Still am to a certain extent.

So if you’ve read the book and want to discuss, feel free to comment. I know a bunch of my English buddies have read it, and it may be nice to talk about it.

My gamer girl was out.

I apologized, saying that my gamer lingo came out, and a friend asked, “Who do you know that games?” I looked around a bit sheepishly, pointed to myself and said, “Me?” At that point, it was her turn to gasp, and cry out, “Kelly! Don’t tell me that! Gamers are people who don’t know how to socialize! You’re so much better than that!”

Although, intellectually, I know and understand that there are people who still view gamers as anti-social dorks, I have difficulty understanding how that phenomena (which is what it really is) exists. WoW alone has over 10 million subscriptions. That’s not including the millions of people who have bought the game but unsubscribed. That also doesn’t include the other various MMOs out, which net a few hundred thousand subscribers each, or the myriad of console games out there. How could anyone actually believe that gamers are so anti-social?

Most people believe that the term “gamer” doesn’t mean “one who games or plays games,” but rather view it as a tool for identification, with binaries as simple as “male/female,” “black/white,” or in this case, “gamer/normal.”  To identify yourself as a gamer typically invokes the image of the hard-core gamer, those who have headsets on while playing CoD4 in a dark room, talking to imaginary avatars on their screen. Yet so many forget that gaming includes things like those iPhone games you may play while waiting at the doctor’s office, or joining your friend in a rousing match of Guitar Hero. If you enjoy playing Text Twist on a web browser, you, too, may be a gamer.

In 1993, the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) made an addendum to the term “gamer,” adding that it means “a participant in a war-game or role-playing game.” Given this definition, one can see how the stigma may have formed. In ’93, Role-playing included LARPing, D&D, Warhammer, and the like. If you know what those things are, you can probably guess how the whole anti-social tag became associated with gamers. We didn’t have the hugely popular casual gaming sect like we do now.

But that doesn’t mean that things should stay the same. After all, I’m not a linguistic pundit who vies for the purification of English; I believe language is almost a living thing–changing with the times. As such, the “gamer” tag needs to change. The stereotype of the basement-dweller has changed, and while there is certainly a sub-culture of gaming, it is not isolated. Conventions such as PAX, BlizzCon, E3–even Comic Con–all draw in thousands of people. San Diego Comic Con, while not being exclusive to the gaming culture, even drew in a bevy of celebrities. And given this change, I truly think the term CAN become acceptable.

I didn’t mean for this post to be didactic, but sometimes I feel like it needs to be. I’m sure several of you know what my experience feels like–it was as if terming myself a gamer made me into a different person. Now, my friend and I have hung out several times since then and there are no issues between us. But for one evening, I was the anti-social basement dweller to her, as opposed to the successful, extroverted person I am–simply because I acknowledged my gamer-speak had come out. This prejudicial stereotype exists, but hopefully, much like other prejudices, this one will end over time.

In an MMORPG, you are not the hero. You will not be saving the day. And whatever good deeds you do accomplish will be undone and redone by someone else. You’re just another warrior in a large army. You’re trained to do as everyone else does. As “unique” and special as we like to make ourselves out to be in MMOs (GM, MT, CC, etc.), we’re still just another warrior, getting a job done. Think of it this way: a sniper and a ground troop person (sorry, not up with my Army-lingo) are told to kill someone. The sniper hides, and takes the shot stealthily. The trooper guy runs right in at the right moment and takes the person down viciously. The job is done, so it doesn’t really matter which route you take (please don’t get into the whole hypothetical situation nonsense–it’s just an example). Whether you are a Mage or a Paladin, a Dragoon or a Monk, you all share the same goal–complete the quests and level up.

Because of this structure, it is difficult to feel any real passion for what you’re actually doing. You go in, kill 10 boars, get some silver, and move on. And while you’re moving on, those 10 boars respawn, and someone else kills them. Here’s a better example: Last night I “saved” this NPC in WoW from some Warlock entrapment spell, and he was able to get out and revive all of his fallen comrades. We then proceeded to kill the jerk who entrapped him, and all was well in the world.

Until about a minute later, when they all fell down dead again, and the guy was trapped once again.

There is nothing worse to trivialize your actions than watching them utterly reversed by a simple set time frame. Perhaps this is one reason I enjoy instances/dungeons so much. They’re generally closed environments with a direct beginning, middle, and end. You infiltrate an area, go through, kill a bunch of high ranking mobs until you finally get to the boss. And when you defeat him, you feel a moment of–rock on. The end. Instance completed.

And then you go out of the dungeon and do it all over again.

In an RPG, however, you are the hero. There is a story with a problem and you–with a select group of fellow heroes–save the world from its utter demise. Wow. Awesome. This is role-playing. You are inevitably forced into following the story line, because you want to know why you’re the hero, how you’re the hero, and what you’re saving the world from. Much like a novel, no matter your gender, appearance, etc., you can easily slip into the shoes of the hero and go.

Now, this isn’t to say that an RPG is always better than an MMORPG. MMORPGs function much more like life itself. It’s open-ended; you don’t have to do every task assigned if you don’t want to. An RPG functions like a book. Each action flows into another action. Now, I’m not saying an MMO is always worse than an RPG, or that an RPG is always better than an MMO; however, I frequently find myself feeling unfulfilled through MMOs BECAUSE I don’t get that firm ending. I raid because I want to feel like I’m saving the world from this diabolical villain, or I PvP because I want to rid the world from the other “evil” race. But ultimately, much like in life, little changes in those worlds.And for me, I like the feeling of completion. I like thinking that I made a difference.

So what do you guys think? Do you need a finite ending? Does it help you enjoy a game more?

As I went through the comic, I found a strip that defined “geek” versus “dork,” and I was interested in seeing what it said. Please note in a previous strip, the character mentioned the contention involved with the words “geek” and “dork.” Here’s the strip:

Courtesy of www.phdcomics.com.

This made me go back to Fantasy Freaks and Gaming Geeks by Ethan Gilsdorf. This book is not only a self reflection on the author’s attraction to the fantasy genre, but a cultural study of the ever increasing acceptance of the “geek” subculture. Gilsdorf defines “geek” as such:

Terminology time: the words geek and nerd are often used interchangeably. “Geek” once stood for “General Electrical Engineering Knowledge,” a leftover scrap of U.S. Military lingo. A geek was also a circus performer who ate the heads off animals. Hence the science-math-freakazoid association. [...] But the term geek has recently come to mean anyone who pursues a skill or exhibits devotion to a subject matter that seems a bit extreme: movie geeks, comic-book geeks, theater geeks, history geeks, music geeks, art geeks, philosophy geeks, literature geeks (Gilsdorf 51).

Because of the “groups” of geeks that are out there, there seems to be a greater acceptance of geekdom. Literature geeks will not only accept one another, but they will accept geeks of other subdomains because they will understand the difficulty associated with being a geek. Being a geek in many subjects ultimately comes to a similar end–a Ph.D. in your field of geekdom. I have the most amazing medieval literature professor: a man clearly brilliant and skilled in the field of language. But you know what? The fact that he talks with glee about how a word changed from Persian to Italian to French to English? He’s a geek! All of us who dream of being professors are geeks in particular fields. It’s no longer a stigma but a stamp of pride.

However, there is a dichotomy of geekdom that causes a serious rift in the idea of “extreme” devotion to subject matter. Some areas are considered worthy of studying and are considered what I call “professional geekdom”–literature is a noble pursuit, for example. Other areas are considered a waste of time, those that I call “leisure geekdom.” This binary creates a huge gap between the professional and leisure geek.

For example, we have gaming geeks, a subdomain that you cannot get a Ph.D. in, cannot have such “pride” in (yes, a dangling preposition–deal with it). These geeks, while also being close to one another and generally accepting one another, begin to branch into the “dork” that PHD brings up (although Gilsdorf defines nerd with a similar definition). Without having a source  or an outlet for “real life” success, gaming geeks win their victories on the battlefield, in the virtual world. To those of us who are not contained in that virtual world, these “successes” are trivial. And while becoming increasingly social within their own demographic, until online communication is fully integrated into socialization, gaming geeks will still have this mythical “basement dweller” stigma attached to them. “Normal people” seem to think that you cannot be friends with someone you have never met face to face; marrying someone you only met in a game is considered irrational by most.

Geeks are just as diverse as different religions, which is why there is so much debate over the term. Much like a particular sect of a religion may question the authenticity of a different sect in the same religion, we as geeks question what a geek is. Many do not consider me to be a geek because I’m popular, bubbly, blonde and wear pink (and not in a gothic way). I was a cheerleader, a dancer, and many other non-geeky things. However, I am comfortable calling myself a geek. Why? Because although I don’t fit the quintessential stereotypes of the geek (which really are more stereotypes of the dork/nerd attached to the word geek), I still have a strong passion–brinking on obsession–with literature, with writing, with words. I also have a strong interest in games and fantasy. Do I incorportate these things in EVERY aspect of my life? Well–I’m going to academic conferences, I’ve gone to NYCC…but I’ve also never LARPed or CosPlayed. Would some people scoff at my lack of geekiness? Yeah probably. But we need to support geeks–of all shapes, colors, sizes, beliefs, and so on. Perhaps eventually, a professional and leisure geek will be considered equal. Perhaps eventually, a cheerleader can be a geek if she wants to be.

By the time college came around, I became friends with some guys at a local college–a techie college. The type of place where fraternity brothers play Halo tournaments. Long story short, I dated a guy there (who became my husband) and was reintroduced to gaming, primarily MMOs. Guild Wars was my first, but it quickly became WoW, LotRO, EvE, FFXI, the other GW games, WAR and I’m sure several others that I’m forgetting. My husband and I started to get into gaming quite a bit, GMing two guilds (one PvP and one Raiding) on WoW. But when I finished my BA in English and still couldn’t find a job, I surpassed my husband in the realm of Geek and worked for Warhammer Alliance as Content Lead.

My time at WA cemented my desire to be involved in gaming in some way. I kept trying to push it away, but it wasn’t happening. Let’s be real, my desire to get a Ph.D. in medieval lit? I chose medieval to study the Arthurian tradition (which spans far beyond the medieval scope), which really is just the fantasy escapism I find and love in games.

So now I’m looking at getting a Ph.D. in Composition and Rhetoric, having been largely influenced by a professor at my husband’s college (Gogo Intellagirl!). My options for jobs and my options of study are far broader with a Comp and Rhetoric degree. If I want to study language acquisition from gaming, I can. If I want to study role players and language, I can. It’ll allow me to mesh my love of all that is geek and my love of rhetoric instead of being a pendulum, bouncing between the two.

And that, my friends, is the birth of Geekoric.